JACKSONVILLE, FL — Brody Timmins, a 23-year-old Pinnacle MMA walk-in whose entire martial arts background consists of a UFC 229 watch party where he told everyone Khabib "got lucky," informed a room full of practitioners that he "trains UFC" before the fundamentals class warmup had finished. Instructor Maria Delacorte, a third-degree black belt with fourteen years of teaching experience, asked Timmins what UFC stands for. He thought about it for three full seconds. "Ultimate Fight Championship," he said. He said it with his whole chest. Delacorte told Timmins to pair up with Kyle Braddock, a 190-pound blue belt who teaches the kids' class on Saturdays and has the patience of someone who has explained the difference between jiu jitsu and karate to approximately four hundred relatives. Within ten minutes, Timmins had attempted a standing guillotine on Braddock, who was seated. Braddock was not in a position to be guillotined. He was sitting cross-legged, waiting for instruction. Timmins wrapped his arms around Braddock's head anyway and pulled upward. <figure style="float: left; width: 38%; max-width: 260px; margin: 0.2em 1.5em 1em 0; border-radius: 4px;"><img src="/images/articles/man-who-trains-ufc-cannot-explain-acronym-standing-guillotine-1.jpg" alt="" style="width:100%; height:auto;" /><figcaption style="font-size:0.75em; color:#888; margin-top:0.3em; font-style:italic; ">Wikimedia Commons</figcaption></figure> "He just kind of hugged my head," Braddock said afterward. "Like a very aggressive greeting." During positional sparring from closed guard, Timmins attempted to slam his way free. Twice. The first time, Delacorte stopped him. The second time, the 145-pound woman whose guard he was in simply tightened her legs and waited for him to exhaust himself, which took about eleven seconds. By the 25-minute mark, Timmins had removed his gi top, citing "overheating." He was wearing a Tapout shirt underneath, which several witnesses described as "the least surprising thing that happened that evening." At the 30-minute mark, Timmins asked Delacorte if they could "just do the punching part." She explained there was no punching part. He appeared confused by this information. At the 40-minute mark, Timmins told a brown belt named Dustin Kessler that "in a real fight this wouldn't work." Kessler, who had just swept Timmins three consecutive times without changing his facial expression, asked Timmins what specifically wouldn't work. "All of it," Timmins clarified. "The pajama stuff." <figure style="float: right; width: 35%; max-width: 240px; margin: 0.5em 0 1em 1.5em; border-radius: 6px; opacity: 0.9;"><img src="/images/articles/man-who-trains-ufc-cannot-explain-acronym-standing-guillotine-2.jpg" alt="" style="width:100%; height:auto;" /><figcaption style="font-size:0.75em; color:#888; margin-top:0.3em; font-style:italic; ">Wikimedia Commons</figcaption></figure> Kessler nodded politely and swept him a fourth time. Despite describing the experience as "not what I expected" and "kind of boring honestly," Timmins signed up for the six-month unlimited package on his way out. He asked the front desk if the membership included "the cage." It does not. Pinnacle MMA does not have a cage. He has already texted three friends that he "started MMA" and changed his Instagram bio to include a martial arts emoji. Delacorte, when asked if she expects him to return, stared into the middle distance for a long time. "They always come back," she said. "Or they don't. Either way, we'll be fine."