PORTLAND, OR — Cascade Grappling Collective, a mid-sized BJJ gym in Portland's Foster-Powell neighborhood, announced in early February the implementation of a formal No Ego Policy, citing a desire to create a "welcoming, ego-free training environment." Six weeks later, multiple sources within the gym report that ego is measurably, observably worse. The policy was communicated via a hand-lettered sign mounted above the water fountain, an email to members with the subject line "A Note on Our Culture," and a brief speech by head instructor and founding partner Dillon Pryce, who delivered it while wearing his belt. His black belt. Which he mentioned was from Ribeiro. Which he has a direct lineage from. Just so everyone knows. "The sign definitely made some guys competitive about how ego-free they are," said one purple belt, who asked not to be named. "There's a dude who now corrects people's technique in the middle of rolls and then says 'no ego' afterward. Like that's a license." Observers note that ego-related incidents have diversified since the policy's introduction rather than decreased. These include: a brown belt who began explicitly announcing when he was "going easy" and how easy, specifically; a blue belt who started a group chat called "Real Talk (No Ego)" in which he posts footage of his competition matches; and at least one instance of a white belt citing the policy during a post-roll dispute about whether a submission was "actually locked in." The gym's assistant instructor, Tamara Fields, a brown belt of four years, noted that the No Ego Policy has created what she describes as "a secondary ego economy." "Before the sign, people just had egos," Fields said. "Now people have egos about not having egos. It's like a second layer. Some guys are humble so aggressively that it's the most dominant thing happening in the room." Fields cited a specific incident from last Thursday's advanced class in which two purple belts got into an argument about who was being more humble during a guard-passing drill. The exchange, which lasted approximately four minutes and held up the round, ended with one of them saying "I literally do not care about ego, and the fact that you think I do shows that you're the one with the problem." The other responded by taking off his belt, placing it on the mat, and saying he doesn't train for belts. He put it back on before the next round. Membership data obtained by The Porra reveals that Cascade Grappling Collective has seen a 14% increase in new signups since the policy was announced, driven largely by what Pryce describes as "people who resonate with our values." Several of the new members have posted about the policy on Instagram, tagging the gym and using hashtags including #NoEgoJiuJitsu, #LeaveYourEgoAtTheDoor, and #HumbleGrind. One new member's bio now reads "Training at a gym that gets it" alongside a photo of himself in a brand-new gi standing in front of the sign. "That guy's been here three weeks," said long-time member Devon Archer, a purple belt. "He's already told two people they need to relax. One of them was a visiting black belt." The ripple effects have extended beyond the mats. Pryce confirmed that a member recently emailed him a four-page proposal titled "Ego Accountability Framework" suggesting the gym implement a peer-review system where students rate each other's humility on a scale of one to five after each class. The document included a scoring rubric. There was a section on appeals. Pryce did not implement the proposal but confirmed he read it and that it was "well-formatted." Three members have independently suggested the gym start a podcast about ego in jiu-jitsu. Two of them have already recorded pilot episodes without the gym's involvement. Both episodes are about forty minutes long and feature the hosts discussing their own journeys with ego, which they describe as "basically resolved." The gym's Yelp page, which previously had twelve reviews, has gained six new five-star reviews since February, all of which mention the No Ego Policy by name. One review, posted by a member who joined in January and trains twice a week, reads: "Finally a gym where you can train without people trying to prove something. Unlike my last gym where the coach had an ego the size of Texas." The review is 600 words long. It includes a paragraph about the reviewer's own competition record. Pryce, reached for comment between a private lesson and a Zoom interview for a podcast about gym culture, acknowledged that behavior change "takes time." He noted that the gym recently added a second sign reading BE HUMBLE near the entrance. He confirmed that the font was chosen by committee. The committee met twice. The second sign is larger. When asked if he had considered removing the signs, Pryce paused for a long time. "You can't take down a No Ego sign," he said. "That would look like we're choosing ego. We'd have to put up a third sign explaining why we took down the first two." He has begun drafting the third sign. It currently reads: "THE MATS DON'T LIE." It will be mounted in the changing room, where it will be visible from the showers. No one has asked for it. He feels it's important. --- *This article is satire. The Porra is a satire publication. No actual gyms were harmed, though several were extremely triggered.*